Fortuneteller nonesense

During my trip to Nacogdoches, Sara, Michele and I took a trip to the local psychic on Main Street.  We made a quick visit to Mary after lunch to see how late she would be open that evening.  She immediately asked if one of us had a 'love problem.'  Well Mary, three young women just walked into your motel room-turned-psychic studio and the likeliness of one of us having a problem with a male is pretty damn high.  Mary did however win me over when she asked which of us wasn't sleeping well and after I admit to her that it was me, she said 'and you have headaches too?'  Ok now Mary, you hae my attention. 

Not Mary

So we returned that evening for our individual readings with Mary.  Now, I've had a couple readings in the past, but never have I hear some of the things this woman told me that night.  Basically, it came down to the fact that I need my aura cleansed and my chakras realigned.  WTH!? 

Chakras are the seven energy forces that run in a linear line in your body and each have a defined color.  Mary told me my colors are all dark and not in the correct order and she really wanted to fix mine.  For a price of course.  She also wanted to sell me crystals and I said 'no, but thank you.'

My chakras are not pretty like a rainbow

Now my aura is the light field around my body and each person has some kind of energy field that extends outside of their being.  This I'm more familiar with.  I've been asked on more than one occasion if I can see this in others.  I can not, but I guess it's not completely unheard of to do so.  Mary told me that mine is dark as well and needs a good washing.  Great.

After a few more missteps- 'have you lost a child?' 'have you been in a car wreck recently?' ('no Mary') I was about ready to get out of the small cramped room filled with crystals and religious imagery and a lot of dust.  When she told me that I would not be rich, I decided I had nothing left to discuss with the fortuneteller and I high-tailed it out of there.

Moral of the story is that my colors are really screwed up and my aura is dim. Here is your $55!

I should have decided earlier in the day not to take advice from a woman who spells 'charms' as 'chaems' on her business card, but I'm still on the hunt for another psychic who can tell me something good!

Anyone have one?